Aнекдоты о Шерлоке Холмсе.

Летят как-то Холмс с Ватсоном на дирижабле. Вокруг туман, сбились с пути. Вдруг видят — внизу пастух пасет овец. Обрадовались и кричат:

— Милейший, подскажите, пожалуйста, где мы сейчас находимся?

— Вы находитесь на  дирижабле.

— Все понятно. — говорит Холмс. — Мы пролетаем над  Россией.
— Но, откуда Вы знаете? — изумляется Ватсон. Читать далее →

АНЕКДОТЫ О ЖИВОТНЫХ.

The zebra complains:

— I am fed up with my life in this zoo, on my left the monkey tells jokes all day, and on my right the giraffe laughs loudly all night long…

Зебра жалуется:

— Надоело жить в этом зоопарке, слева от меня обезьяна анекдоты Читать далее →

АНЕКДОТЫ ОБ ОБЕЗЬЯНАХ.

The lion has fallen down into a deep hole and can’t get out. Above the lion there is a monkey, swinging and rejoicing on the liana.

— That is all, you are finished, Shabby Сat!!  Now your skin will be put on the floor as a carpet, they will make beads of your claws, and your teeth will be used for making souvenirs. You have deserved this, Torn Cat. And this lasts the whole hour. Suddenly the liana is torn and the monkey falls into the trap straight to the lion:  Читать далее →

А man comes to the psychiatrist.

-You see, Doctor Rhine, there is something wrong with me . In the evening , before  going to bed, when I am  already  in my  bed,  it starts to seem to me that there is someone sitting  under it . Then I get under the bed to check up…and at this moment I get the idea that someone is sitting on it above. It lasts all night long… down — up, down — up. Please, Doctor, help, it makes me crazy.  Читать далее →

АНЕКДОТЫ О  КРОКОДИЛАХ.

Two crocodiles are swimming down the Nile. On the bank there is a monkey sitting and looking at her reflection in the water. One crocodile says to another:

— Let’s frisk. We’ll ask the monkey, whether she is married.

They swim up closer.  Читать далее →

It is morning.  Husband and wife are in the  kitchen.  The man is drinking coffee before leaving for work.

— Darling, do you remember, what day  it is today?

The husband frowns:

— Certainly, dear. I remember.

Then he leaves for work.

Two hours later the woman hears a door call …She opens the door….. It is delivery of flowers. In front of her there is an enormous bunch of roses. She is happy. Читать далее →

One old gentleman had a big farm. In the backyard there was a big pond surrounded with fruit trees. Nearby there were benches and beautiful flowers. The man hadn’t come around there for a long time, but one evening he decided to walk to the pond  to have a look  how  the things are  there. He took a big bucket to pick fruit. When the gentleman approached the pond, he heard laughter, shouts and cheerful squeals. Читать далее →

A real Alien! I’m stunned… Hold out  your hand, I want to shake it.

— Be careful, Earthman! Why are you so sure, it is a hand?

-Настоящий Инопланетянин! Обалдеть…. Дай мне твою руку, хочу пожать ее.  Читать далее →

The Hat Seller and The Monkeys.

    One day Jack (he was a hat-seller) was walking across the forest . Jack had a basket full of hats to sell. He felt tired and decided to relax  under the tree. He  put  the  basket with the hats by his side and fell asleep.  One hour  later he opened his eyes and saw that his basket was empty. Читать далее →

О МЕДВЕДЯХ.

One evening the family of bears — Father, Mother and a bear cub are sitting in the den . The bear cub asks:

-Father, show a human.

— I have already shown many times.

— Father, please, show one more time.  Читать далее →