-Так тебе и надо, Кошак драный… И так целый час.
АНЕКДОТЫ ОБ ОБЕЗЬЯНАХ.
The lion has fallen down into a deep hole and can’t get out. Above the lion there is a monkey, swinging and rejoicing on the liana.
— That is all, you are finished, Shabby Сat!! Now your skin will be put on the floor as a carpet, they will make beads of your claws, and your teeth will be used for making souvenirs. You have deserved this, Torn Cat. And this lasts the whole hour. Suddenly the liana is torn and the monkey falls into the trap straight to the lion: Далее…
…со мной что-то не так. Вечером, перед сном, когда я уже в кровати..
А man comes to the psychiatrist.
-You see, Doctor Rhine, there is something wrong with me . In the evening , before going to bed, when I am already in my bed, it starts to seem to me that there is someone sitting under it . Then I get under the bed to check up…and at this moment I get the idea that someone is sitting on it above. It lasts all night long… down — up, down — up. Please, Doctor, help, it makes me crazy. Далее…
Tы зачем это,Вася, делаешь?
АНЕКДОТЫ О КРОКОДИЛАХ.
Two crocodiles are swimming down the Nile. On the bank there is a monkey sitting and looking at her reflection in the water. One crocodile says to another:
— Let’s frisk. We’ll ask the monkey, whether she is married.
They swim up closer. Далее…
Мужчина по ошибке перепутал…
It is morning. Husband and wife are in the kitchen. The man is drinking coffee before leaving for work.
— Darling, do you remember, what day it is today?
The husband frowns:
— Certainly, dear. I remember.
Then he leaves for work.
Two hours later the woman hears a door call …She opens the door….. It is delivery of flowers. In front of her there is an enormous bunch of roses. She is happy. Далее…
Увидев мужчину, они громко завизжали…
One old gentleman had a big farm. In the backyard there was a big pond surrounded with fruit trees. Nearby there were benches and beautiful flowers. The man hadn’t come around there for a long time, but one evening he decided to walk to the pond to have a look how the things are there. He took a big bucket to pick fruit. When the gentleman approached the pond, he heard laughter, shouts and cheerful squeals. Далее…
Будь осторожен ,Землянин…
A real Alien! I’m stunned… Hold out your hand, I want to shake it.
— Be careful, Earthman! Why are you so sure, it is a hand?
-Настоящий Инопланетянин! Обалдеть…. Дай мне твою руку, хочу пожать ее. Далее…
..внезапно у мужчины возникла идея…
The Hat Seller and The Monkeys.
One day Jack (he was a hat-seller) was walking across the forest . Jack had a basket full of hats to sell. He felt tired and decided to relax under the tree. He put the basket with the hats by his side and fell asleep. One hour later he opened his eyes and saw that his basket was empty. Далее…
Медведь встает, лезет в шкаф…
О МЕДВЕДЯХ.
One evening the family of bears — Father, Mother and a bear cub are sitting in the den . The bear cub asks:
-Father, show a human.
— I have already shown many times.
— Father, please, show one more time. Далее…
..добегает до последнего этажа, деваться некуда..
One woman sees a dream: an Afro-American is running after her.
She is running from him across the area, he is after her..
She is running along the lane, he is after her… she is into the front door, he is after her…
The exhausted woman reaches the upper floor, Далее…
..и тогда, тяжело дыша, дракон спросил…
По пустыне шел рыцарь, долго шел, потерял коня и доспехи, очень устал и хотел пить. Вдруг он увидел озеро. Собрав свои последние силы, он добрался до воды. Но на берегу озера был дракон. Далее…